Actually, polyamory is not something new, in fact, human beings are NOT monogamous by nature. Society through religions and legal frameworks regulate our behavior. Monogamy as such is a norm. And when we are married by either a religious or legal ritual, some of us feel that we have reached the most crucial goal of our lives.
We have been led to believe that finding true love is the key to a fulfilling and happy life.
Historically, love and monogamy have been sold to us as the same thing, hence if your partner has sex with other people, you react by feeling miserable and betrayed, because that "betrayal" means socially, that your partner does NOT love you.
What is not true. Monogamy is a rule, love is NOT.
Some openly polyamorous people, like myself, have transcended these social norms, and understand that we are polyamorous by nature and that monogamy is unnatural.
However, a piece of news has just come out (09/12/22) on the penalty with jail for infidelity, according to this BBC article this would occur in Indonesia. Here is the link to the article. https://www.bbc.com/mundo/noticias-internacional-63875463
All my life I mistakenly believed that I was capable of being monogamous, that's how I was raised and boy did I try to be. Once I found Prince Charming, I was supposed to marry him and be faithful to him for the rest of my life. And I confess that from a very young age, she asked me: How will I know which one is the right one to be my husband for life if I like so many different men at the same time? Today I want one, tomorrow I may like another. And that has never changed.
I don't remember ever being faithful, whenever a relationship ended, another had already begun. All my life I have been waiting to meet another one that I like more or as much as the previous one. For me, variety is part of the fun of life, the seasoning, without this possibility, life is sad and boring. Maybe I have Indian Bari DNA.
In the Bari tribe in Venezuela, the women sleep with all the men of the tribe, in this way when the woman becomes pregnant, they all share the responsibility and sustenance of the child, guaranteeing their survival.
We human beings are not anemones, today we know that we are more similar to chimpanzees and bonobos. In fact. we have sex for our pleasure, like dolphins. And not just for reproductive reasons. But if it is about the survival of the species, the more women the male mates, the more opportunities he has to reproduce. So biologically, we are not monogamous.
That is why I understand unfaithful men, and I consider the <"toxic> treatment that some wives and girlfriends give to their partners tortuous, when they control them from their cell phones, even their friends, make dramas and scandals for them, out of jealousy and fear of infidelity, or even worse, force them to go to religious centers to "cure" their "illness".
Particularly, I was monogamous for the first 50 years of my life, and I suffered very, very much trying to fit into the traditional wife pattern. And I suppose I made my partners suffer by being unfaithful, I don't doubt it. But I must say that for me it was also torturing to restrain my instincts during my last marriage. My ex knew that I was like that from the beginning, I never lied to him, however, he did, he promised to visit these swinger's sites but in 12 years we never went. Already separated I invited him to the club, and definitely, it was not his thing. At least I tried. Our monogamous relationship only worked for him and not for me. Now he has the opportunity to meet a monogamous woman who makes him happy.
Some of my partners went to extremes that bordered on madness, I was unlucky that at least 3 of them were fatally obsessed with me, and 2 of them went completely crazy with jealousy, even when I behaved well, they always doubted me, and that's why I always believed that I was responsible for his madness, the cause of his jealousy, and that my relationships didn't work out because of my hypersexuality or sex addiction, and that eternal curiosity to try something else.
I felt like a bad person, I even came to think that I deserved everything bad that happened to me, for being a "whore". Because of my Catholic upbringing, and my strict conservative upbringing, I always felt dirty a sinner, and an embarrassment to my parents. Sometimes I have nightmares, where my father discovers me as I am and is ashamed of me. I still go to therapy to stop those nightmares, and the verbal self-aggression and give myself the moral permissions that I still need to give myself. I need to finish freeing myself from the guilt, which has bothered me almost all my life, for being the way I am. Only with science, I have managed to convince myself that I am not sick.
Until this year, I understood that I am polyamorous, that I can have several simultaneous relationships, and that it is okay to be like that, because monogamy is unnatural, not my behavior.
On Netflix, there is a series called Explained. And there is a chapter in the first season, titled: Monogamy. Which I attach below, lasts just 18 minutes, but if you have doubts about your delinquent nature, I recommend you watch it.
Today, I want to experience polyandry. I want to have as many simultaneous relationships as I can. The only way I would ever contemplate being in a committed relationship with someone else is for them to be polyamorous like me. I am no longer willing to be exclusive to anyone. The faithful wife of a single penis, never again.
Monogamy for me is like becoming a vegan, loving red meat, no more sacrifices, for what they will say. I am about to be happy, and in the last few months, I have felt very good about this choice.
In fact, after watching the series also on Netflix, How to Build a Sex Room. I fell in love with the concept of the polyamorous family. I'm still a long way from having a family like that, but I've already started practicing.
Last year's end (2021), I decided to take control of my sex life, and I set out to fulfill my sexual fantasies, and fortunately, I have been able to fulfill some of them. I discovered that in Costa Rica, there are not only swingers clubs in each province, but also that swinger couples in this country form a fairly organized community.
I discovered that I feel good being with polyamorous people, I feel like I finally fit in a group, and I don't feel like a weirdo anymore, because I have met other women like me. And I have met many swinger couples, who have been married for years, and have had sex with other people. I have also heard stories of polyamorous couples, and it is curious to see how they seem so happy leading this lifestyle.
Thanks to this experience, I understood that my mistake was thinking that I had to fit into monogamy, instead of looking for a person who likes variety as much as I do. Sure, I didn't have access to this information in the 90s, not even in the 2010s when I was last married, and boy do I wish I knew all of this sooner, for all the time I spent feeling guilty for being like I am.
Now I understand that thanks to the information on the Internet and the advancement of neuroscience, it is that I was able to convince myself with science, that I am quite normal. Since there are thousands of people in Costa Rica and in the world who enjoy sexual variety, this prevents them from having functional and pleasant relationships and lives.
If you are interested in the subject, find me on Bigo Live, and find me as MadeleineCasmoTv. Also on TikTok. Where I usually talk about it.
And on Telegram, you can follow my channel https://t.me/xosenosa
